1,2,3… Let Go Of The Rope

April is Stress Awareness Month, so we asked Louise from New Future Me to share some thoughts and tips for managing stress. In this guest blog, Louise details what stress is, where it comes from, how our thoughts can add to those feelings of stress and provides 3 steps to think differently about thoughts to gain more control over your stress.

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Life is stressful – we all know this! 

Modern life feels full of stress and stressful events. From global issues to the strains of everyday life, it often feels like you can’t escape it. Although I don’t feel that my life is any less stressful than it was, say 10 years ago, I think back to when my children were much smaller and how my husband and I coped with the stresses we faced then; both working and balancing kids clubs, school drop offs, cake sales, dress-up days, football/cricket matches, supporting with homework, being a school governor, getting the kids to bed on time, getting them up on time, caring for an ill family member, renovating our house and everything else that my brain has now erased! It was so busy, jumping from one thing to another and never having a chance to breathe. 

The kids are older, but the stresses are still there – don’t let anyone tell you that living with two teenagers isn’t stressful! Just think hormones – both theirs and mine!

Stress as a Small Business Owner

As a relative newbie in the world of being self employed, I have quickly realised the specific set of stress it brings. The pressure you feel all the time to ensure that there is enough money coming in or looking to see how you can grow the business further or develop in different directions.  The range of hats you wear: administration, marketing, sales, production or supply chain (depending on your company), financing, HR (usually my own wellbeing!), technology/IT (there’s no department to call on when the laptop stops working!), networking, customer feedback and others I am sure!

Although many look on small business owners or the self-employed in envy at their ability to be flexible and dictate their own hours, the reality for many is more likely to be a constant feeling of stress. 

Stress and Burnout

The Burnout Report (2025) showed that 91% of adults experienced high pressure or stress at some point in the last year. Am I surprised by this? Not really. I can’t think of anyone I know who doesn’t mention stress when we have a conversation about how things are going. They may not always use the word stress, but they describe stress indicators such as: 

• Irritation
• Anger 
• Anxiety
• Sadness
• Scared
• Hopelessness
• Overwhelm
• Indecision or procrastination

Unsurprisingly, stress affects people differently based on their own characteristics. The Burnout Report identified that women (94%) were more likely than men (89%) to experience high or extreme levels of pressure or stress in the past year, but were slightly less likely to take time off work due to poor mental health (22% v 20%). Adults in the 35-44 bracket were the most likely to have experienced high levels of stress (96%). Those  aged 55+ were more likely to say they were able to manage their stress levels (82%) as were those who are parents (80%). These statistics show that stress is something we all experience. 

What is Stress?

Stress is our body’s reaction from a feeling of threat or pressure. When under stress, the body releases adrenaline which can boost us or motivate us to act quickly.  Essentially, stress results in any change you must adapt to, ranging from a physical threat to a positive experience, like getting married. 

Not all stress is bad though. In fact, stress is not only desirable but also essential to life. A little stress is helpful, it makes us get things done or focus on something that needs our attention. You know when you are up against a deadline, that feeling of stress pushes us to meet the deadline in time. 

Everyday life, regardless of how well managed, faces a continuous stream of potentially stressful experiences. (Note the word “potentially” – I am coming back to that).

Where does Stress come from?

Stress comes from four basic sources: 

1. Your environment that you constantly need to adapt to. For example, the weather, noise, traffic, pollution etc.
2. Social stressors – the demand for your time and attention. This comes from all those everyday experiences: work, family, social media etc
3. Physiology – adolescence, menopause, poor nutrition, lack of exercise, inadequate sleep etc
4. Your thoughts – how your brain interprets change and perceives events will determine when the stress response should be activated. 

It is point 4 I am most interested in, because this is your interpretation, therefore in theory, is something you can control. Whether the stress you experience is the result of major life changes or the cumulative effect of minor everyday hassles, many researchers argue that it is how you respond to these events that determines the impact that stress will have on you (remember that idea of “potentially”?). 

Feeling Stressed

If a situation feels stressful, it has the potential to become stressful. But, everyone’s idea of what feels stressful or not, is different (think back to those statistics). Research shows that people who identify as anxious, or feeling stress often decide that:
(1) an event is dangerous, difficult, or painful and 
(2) they don’t have the resources to cope with it.

Once these decisions have been made, the situation feels stressful. But there isn’t really a decision process, although not one that we are conscious of. These “decisions” are often made without conscious thought at all, it’s more of a learned behaviour; behaviour that is entirely inter-linked with our thoughts. When clients contact me to discuss the desire to feel less stressed, one of the first tasks I set is for them to start thinking about where they feel the stress is coming from. This is not an easy task. Unsurprisingly, people who feel stressed find it difficult to order their thoughts and think clearly and rationally. This means it is difficult to offer a sense of perspective to our thoughts.

Stress Response

When feeling stressed, thoughts are impeded. As a result, the brain interprets complex changes in our environment and body and determines when to turn on the stress response. How you interpret and label your present experience and what you predict for your future, can serve either to relax or to stress you.

I am sure you can think of a time when you have been out with friends or colleagues and have left a restaurant or bar replaying the event in your mind or more likely, creating a whole new narrative around that event; imaging scenarios that didn’t even happen…your mind says things like “I think she looked at me like this because I must have upset her”…”What if I had done…”, “What if I had said…” etc etc. When you start to create a story around a thought, it brings that thought alive. The more you think of it, the more it is likely to make us feel stressed. But, what if you interpreted the look differently as tiredness or preoccupation with a personal problem, this would be much less worrisome or stressful. 

The more time you dedicate to your thoughts, the more likely you are to become stressed. I am not saying the thoughts aren’t important or that you shouldn’t think about things, of course, you need to solve problems and manage your life. But when you get stuck in thoughts or in a thought cycle, ultimately this can lead to low self efficacy and if you focus on negative thoughts, over time, this can lead to signs of depression. 

Thinking Differently About Your Thoughts

It is evident that our thoughts affect our feelings and our behaviours, so what can you do about it? I can hear you thinking “I can’t get rid of my thoughts, it’s impossible”. I agree, you can’t get rid of your thoughts, our minds are busy places, if you have ever tried mindfulness, you will know how hard this can be. 

But, what power do you have? You have the power to think differently about your thoughts.

Step 1: Accept that the thoughts make you “feel” stressed. 

This first step will help to acknowledge these are just thoughts and you control them. If you fail to do this, you may find that the issue is no longer the thing making you stressed, but the process of thinking about the thought is now the issue! 

Think of stressful or anxious thoughts as a big monster pulling on a rope over a hole? The more that thought pulls on us, the more it affects our behaviour and feelings. As he pulls, you feel more worried, stressed or overwhelmed. With the hole looming, it may start to feel helpless. 

But if you let go of the rope, nothing happens. You don’t fall in the hole. You may initially fall on your backside, but you will end up standing up straight. This means you can continue with everything else that needs your time and energy. How empowering! 
Once you let go, you start to create some distance between you and your thoughts.

Step 2: Say to yourself “I am aware I am having the thought that….” “This is making me feel stressed. That’s OK, it will pass”. 

Putting these words in front of the thought can create distance between you and the thought, allowing you to step back and assess your reaction carefully.

But clearly this isn’t easy. Letting go of the rope is a skill and like any skill, needs practise regularly. 

Step 3: Practise looking at your thoughts

Mindfulness is a great way to do this. You can imagine that you can see the thoughts that pop into your mind written on clouds in the sky or leaves on a stream. Sitting back and watching them for what they are, just thoughts, can help to lower your heart rate and put things into perspective.

Another way to do this is to keep a thought diary. This is something that I often give to my clients after our first assessment session. By taking the time to look at thoughts for what they are, just words in our head, allows acceptance and to step back and assess the impact that the thought is having on feelings and behaviours. More often than not, this is a revolutionary first step on their journey to reducing stress and regaining a sense of control. 

In summary, you can control your stress by giving time to accept, distance and watch your thoughts – give it a go, what do you have to lose? 

Resources and Recommended Reading: 
Davis, M et al (2019) The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook 
Harris, R (2020) The Happiness Trap
Stress – Every Mind Matters – NHS

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